Monday, April 6, 2009

"Will You Forgive Me?"

Admitting when I am wrong has never come easy for me. I always hope that I can either minimize what I've said or done and just forget about it or at least, I will just go to God and hope I don't have to deal with the person whom I have wronged. There are so many times I ignore the need to apologize and ask forgiveness from my husband or one of my children. I hope they will just be patient and understanding with me when I knowingly or unknowingly do something that may be hurtful to them. After all, I'm stressed out, right? I have six children now and three of them are three and under. I'm home schooling, trying to keep a clean house, planning meals, paying bills, balancing our checkbook, keeping our schedules straight, feeding a baby, changing diapers and the list goes on and on. I have every right to be just a little short-tempered at times. Maybe I do tend to ignore little things like reading a book to a child or looking at a drawing because I just don't have time. Maybe I have said something in a disrespectful way to my husband, but he'll understand. I'm tired. I can believe that, but the truth is that I have really hurt my loved ones at different times. I can not ignore this and I must ask for forgiveness when I am in the wrong.

During quiet time today, I noticed Jonathan looking at a book and I realized that I had brushed him aside a few times this morning. I was not very patient with him and so, I thought this would be a good time to talk to him. I decided to ask for forgiveness, without giving excuses like I so often do. I was so happy that we were going to have this beautiful moment together as mother and son. I told him that I was sorry for being impatient and for speaking harshly. It was hard, but I did it. We hugged and he gave me a kiss, and in only a way that my Jonathan can, he said, "I forgive you, Mommy!" He told me that he loved me and I said the same to him and just when I thought we were done with our mother and son talk, he said to me again, "I forgive you....now don't do that again!" Whoa! Trying to gain my composure, I used that as a lesson in how often we should forgive and how much God loves us and forgives us each time we fail. I told him that I would probably fail him again and that he'd have to forgive me, just like I forgive him. After recovering from being shocked by his statement, I was reminded again of God's amazing love. When Jesus came, He didn't wait for mankind to ask for forgiveness. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Rom. 5:8 When we humbly come before Him, He forgives us. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9 We must admit when we are wrong. We must make things right with those around us. We must forgive others, even when we feel they don't deserve forgiveness. We don't deserve God's love and forgiveness, but He still gives it. How I wish I could tell the Lord that I won't do that again, but I will sin. I will let Him down and He will keep loving me.